This is the story or testimonial of a rebel that has ceremoniously been brought to his knees and miraculously brought back into line. It wouldn’t have been achieved by myself, parents or family or friends, any organisation, or anything else on this planet. It needed something much more powerful than that, way more powerful.
Beginnings and Early Working Life
Anybody that knows me from the past would say that my old self was strong minded, charismatic, rebellious, ambitious, a leader rather than a follower, a terrible and problematic and disruptive team member, fiercely independent, not having much respect for authority, self centred, an empire state building sized ego, a taker rather than a giver, blessed with good looks and the gift of the gab, a ladies man but also a heart breaker, having a vicious temper, blasphemous, sarcastic with a capital S, living beyond my means, a shooting for the stars living for today type, 4 letter words in abundance, a nasty piece of work bordering on demonic when crossed, an outside lane of the motorway life liver, not really concerned or even aware of peoples feelings, never saying sorry or excuse me, terribly proud, and above all Mr Cool. Me shed even one tear over anything…….never in a million years. In the midst of all that there was a heart of gold in there somewhere. If I liked somebody I would give them the world in metaphorical terms you just had to fight through that external stuff to get near it. At that time I was also close and respectful to the family. Looking back now I would say they were my only two redeeming qualities.
Despite this, even this person did have beliefs. I was Church of England baptised as a baby. As a kid I was given a Children’s Bible which I read from cover to cover, did go to Sunday School (because I had to), did have a heavily religious (Christian) grandfather, but my family I would not class as religious at all. Maybe seeds were sown in those very early days laying dormant for later life? I’ve always believed there was a higher power in some shape or form and tried to live by the ten commandments. Tried being the operative word. I’ve never murdered, at least I can say that.
In my younger working working years I had a successful career, nice car, a house at a very young age, a manager at a very young age as well, plenty of tech, material and creature comforts, a queue of women, good friends, money in the bank, well travelled, good education paid for by my company, and party party was the buzzword all laced with plenty of cigarettes and alcohol you know the usual things that young people aspire to. I had it all. Work hard…..play hard. The rat race is what they call it. You could say life was good. I was the essential Yuppie and living the dream.
Heaven and hell, sin and salvation and churches and Religion. I was blissfully blind to these things. Doesn’t apply to me, I’m having too much of a good time to be bothered with all that. Don’t have the time anyway. I did pack in smoking during that period, cold turkey as well…….but that’s it. I thought I was a half decent bloke just like everybody else.
The Decline and road to rock bottom
Further down the road in life materialism, consumerism and career slave and the rat race were dumped by the wayside to pursue a simpler more meaningful life. Alcohol was also removed from my life, again cold turkey a testament to my strong will and I became a vegetarian, clean living New Age Pagan type. Think of the film Practical Magic or The Craft and you’ll get the idea. At one stage I remember living in a caravan in a middle of a field in Berkshire near Windsor and Staines surrounded by horses and I was truly in heaven! A sun, moon and stars worshiper, a lover of nature, a tree hugger, one of those beatnik hippy mysterious type of people with a goatee beard. Peace and love and that sort of thing but without the drugs. A non practicing Wiccan but held the beliefs strongly and lived my life by “The Rede” but never got involved with others that had the same belief. An occult believer but not an occult practicioner you could say. The very opposite of Christianity but not a Satan worshiper, all innocent natural stuff…….. or so I thought.
Life had some spirituality and depth to it, I seemed to be happy, but little did I realise that gradually from this period onwards I would say after 2 or 3 years of the initial honeymoon period, I was unaware but forces were at work and very gradually my life started to go down hill and I was changing in a darker way. Fell out with the family and lost contact for good, friends started mysteriously drifting away, attracted odd ball characters as replacement friends, avoided churches say at weddings and funerals even friends weddings as a result. A church phobia you could say. If I saw a “bible basher” I would cross over the other side of the road giving venomous looks and became increasingly solitary in lifestyle distancing myself from “the world” and became a very private introverted person. Gollum out of The Lord of the Rings but without saying the word “My Preccciousss”. The dark times were slowly getting darker by the day.
The beginnings of the days of darkness
I started taking some uncharacteristic major wrong turnings in life which included, share trading (essentially gambling) at 4 figure levels (acquired a mass of cash prior to this which is another story), running what can only be described as erotic websites which did make money but erratically. I had become a self employed businessman but a gambler and basically a digital pimp peddling 500+ women on weekends via Live Cams to people who needed such things but of course at a price.
At the time I couldn’t see it, but this potent highly flammable and volatile business mix eventually led to a tsunami of extreme bad luck like something out of the bible. You just wouldn’t believe! This culminated in massive debts (equivalent to a years salary in a good job) and near bankruptcy. It happened terrifyingly quick. Further down the line this led to home eviction and eventually homelessness. I lost everything and I mean everything! Just the clothes on my back, an old mobile and a cheap leaking tent from Argos for company!
Ended up at the Citizens Advice Bureau, getting free financial advice and help, with repayment plans for my debts at about £10 a month and managed to avoid bankruptcy. I was warned that I may lose my bank account by the CAB because of my new status! Managed by sheer luck to get a part time job a couple of hours a day at minimum wage which was akin to being plugged into a life support system in money terms. Bread and water and sardines was the order of the day with Tesco Value Digestives being an occasional treat. The almighty jumbo jet had crashed and dragged many people down with it. You would not believe how many people suffered as a result, the shock waves went far and wide. This was the beginning of “The Dark Times” in my life.
Things go from bad to worse
I thought things can’t get any worse? Oh but they did! I had no money to trade on the stock market, job wise nobody wanted to know ( must have been put on a credit blacklist or some criminal warning list), debt collection agencies were calling me night and day (4 of them) relentlessly even after the CAB fix, but I still had those naughty websites, so was still “pimping” which kept me ticking over albeit in a tent in a muddy field due to the erratic nature of the earnings. The recent bad winter of 2009/10 I was in a tent in a field in blizzard conditions, surrounded by 6″ of snow with the temperature at -6 at night. Holes in the tent, holes in my shoes and clothes, for the first time in my life incredibly dark demonic thoughts entered my mind. What was the point of going on. If I died would anybody really notice… .. .just end it now would be the easiest and best option?
I knew I needed help but I was too proud to seek help, friends and family all lived hundreds of miles away. I never felt so alone and destitute in my entire life. Even then the thought of turning to some religion or tapping into some supernatural New Age higher power for help never crossed my mind. You can sort this out……ON YOUR OWN that was the attitude even then. What I didn’t realise was, I wasn’t just staring at the abyss. I was actually in it……..the place of those worst nightmares. If there is a hell……this is it!
Remember going to bed that night with those dark thoughts, thinking of ways I could die (so very unlike me), overdose, run in front of a car, hypothermia, jump off a tower block, hang from a tree, jump in the Thames with a backpack full of house bricks etc etc. The inventiveness was frightening. Went to sleep after the 20th idea just like counting sheep, woke up in the morning froze and beyond depressed, opened the tent and saw a Robin very close in the snow just looking at me. It just sat there for a couple of minutes, looking at me. Fed it a couple of digestive crumbs and packed up. The following morning the Robin was there again and singing but even closer just looking. Fed it some crumbs again, that’s all I had. This went on for weeks during that bad winter, gave me a reason to get up in the morning and go to my Part Time job that paid next to nothing. Then spring came and the Robin was gone. That tiny little bird gave me a reason to live and pulled me through. If it hadn’t turned up I dread to think what could have happened.
A glimmer of light?
That was the rock bottom in my life and strangely the turning point. I decided to scrap the Live Cam websites and digital pimping game, walked away from share trading and a light started to appear at the end of this long dark tunnel like the one in Shawshank Redemption soon after that. Miraculously got a couple of part time jobs, got a roof over my head and started celebrity blogging which proved incredibly successful. This led to celebrity photography and recently fashion (street style) photography. Things I thought were on the up. Little did I realise that what I was doing was a variation on the same theme. The darkness was still in my life but just in a different more socially acceptable cooler, more fully clothed but more devious and I would say potent form.
Events leading up to the change
Just recently over the last year or so increasingly bizarre but subtle events were happening in my life especially in connection with the celebrity photography but I carried on regardless. I was having a blast. About 6 months ago this overpowering urge like a huge dark cloud over me became increasingly overbearing and suffocating. Something was telling me I had to make a change in my life, I knew that much but I just didn’t have the first idea what it was?
The 30th June 2015 was the catalyst point in my life after attending a pre film premiere departure photographing celebrities at a hotel I headed home after releasing some good photos, and near where I live about 9.30pm saw this large light in the sky like an aircraft or helicopter landing light. Lots of aircraft and helicopters do pass our area on some days but this light a) wasn’t moving and b) there was no aircraft or helicopter noise. Maybe it was one of those drones, even then this thing was silent? It dawned on me that maybe this was a bright star and I stood and looked in wonder, in all my life I had never seen a star so bright or as big. As I looked and watched I had a strange feeling like I was being examined, studied in a very direct way. 5 minutes must have passed of me just standing there. I remember feeling very naked at the time like being under a microscope. I never had that feeling ever in my entire life. I quickly hurried on my way thinking nutter your imagination is going into overdrive. At the time I didn’t have a clue what it was or what was going on?
A couple of days went by and out of morbid curiosity I googled “bright star over London” or something similar. Only a couple of news articles came up but rare Venus/Jupiter conjunction that hasn’t been seen for 2000 years came up along with Scientists say Star of Bethlehem appeared on 30 June and second sighting of Biblical star
I just sat there looking at the search results jaw to the floor, shaking my head in disbelief saying “My G@d”. This led to further searching and being led to an avalanche of search results including Blood Moon Tetrad, Shemitah cycles, End Time Prophecy,the date 23 September 2015, huge quantity of prophetic events taking place in September 2015, Preppers, Illuminati, New World Order, False Prophets, Extreme Weather, Asteroid collisions, planet conjunctions, Planet X and a host of other bizarre things that I normally wouldn’t show the slightest bit of interest in or even be aware of, which all pointed ultimately to one book, The Book of Revelations the last book of the New Testament in the bible. I just sat there in silence shaking my head in disbelief.
Out of curiosity (I haven’t been anywhere near a bible since a kid). I downloaded the Book of Revelations in pdf form on my phone, read it and honestly thought what complete madness whilst shaking my head AGAIN in disbelief. Something subconsciously happened though. Things started to accelerate after that as time went on, with strange things happening once or twice a week, just little things but strange almost supernatural mini events that you couldn’t help but notice.
Near Death Experience
The next I would call monumental experience was a near death experience near the Shepherds Bush Roundabout in London at about 6am. The lights were red at a crossing but a car came hurtling through, must have been easily 70mph, just came from nowhere, I was two steps onto the crossing, the car miraculously swerved and missed me by inches. Got to the other side and a woman ran after me and said “You are so lucky”. A bus also followed me and stopped at an empty bus stop and the driver shouted the exact same words. “You are so lucky” TWICE. I said thanks, carried on my way pretty much unaffected BUT further up the road it suddenly hit me like a sledge hammer that I was lucky to still be alive. With tears in my eyes I whispered the words “somebody or something is watching out for you Frank”. Maybe some beginnings of belief were starting to creep their way in. Maybe those words were heard and noted?
A change is needed but what?
About a week later this mysterious blockage that needed to be removed that I was putting so much time and energy into in my life became blatantly clear. I woke up that one morning after a restless nights sleep and I knew what I had to do. I had to pack in my perfectly successful celebrity photography website and business and get away from the Entertainment Industry. On paper it seemed madness, it certainly didn’t seem like I was making the right decision or even making the decision at all, I always make my own choices. It seemed it was being made by somebody or something else, but I finally knew this is what I had to do, why wasn’t clear. Once I made the decision it seemed like a dense fog was lifted and things became clearer. That night I slept like a baby!
I put the news announcement out on the website and Twitter about a week later with a link to the blog with a long article on why I’m closing the website. Probably resulted in much head scratching from the crowd of followers I had amassed over 3 years. That was 31 July 2015.
Book of Revelations Deciphering
That’s when things accelerated and doors starting opening. Kept reading this Book of Revelations, was fascinated by it, and could not make head or tail of it, so researched intensively via Google and You Tube to try and decipher what is actually going on in the last book of the New Testament …….crack the code so to speak.
Eventually found 3 different translations ( it took a very long time), as different as they were, all 3 had the same common theme and all was revealed like all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together. You could say it was a Revelation. It dawned on me then like a bolt of lightning that we are definetely living in those times and these words written in the Book Of Revelation were written thousands of years ago. Some more seeds of belief had been sown. I also realised that most people today are blissfully unaware in their hectic non believing lives of any of these Biblical facts. Many have never read or even seen a bible but are aware that something is happening in this world, something is on it’s way, they just haven’t got a clue what it is.
It says this in the Bible:
I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.
In short seek and ye shall find
Getting closer to something?
Days after this a creepy Recommended for You video seemed to jump out of a Video search. The video which was a combination of Biblical scripture and visions from very holy and different people, they were all seeing pretty much the same thing. This video has ages of people, locations, time span, countries involved, what will happen, climate change, war, how, the deceptions, details of the “mark”, what happens if you take it and if you do not, persecutions, world chaos, the second coming and the final outcome and how terribly depraved mankind will become. This had a very profound effect. The video is buried in You Tube and hasn’t had many views. I was chilled to the bone after watching it. I had never seen anything like it. But still I was not converted or saved or did not even think of becoming a Christian. Little did I know I was very close to an event that was going to change my life.
The Super Blood Moon on 28th September came and went (got up at 2am to see it and took photos). An amazing spectacle but just another road sign along this route that I alone was heading on. Downloaded the Full King James Bible in PDF format a couple of days after that but didn’t start reading it properly right away.
A few more days passed and kept reading and watching religious videos to answer the mushrooming questions that I had. Bought a hard copy of the King James Bible at the local boot sale for £1. Still no conversion to Christianity, I was still firmly on the other side, the dark one. That’s how I felt, I was on the other side, the enemy researching the enemy!
The Process or Event
On a pretty uneventful bland day, I was in a neutral mood, nothing traumatic had happened that day or in the last couple of weeks. It has to be said at this point by now I had watched literally hundreds of religious videos. That night did a video search one night a whole list of videos came up, all pretty much in line with the search query bar. One stood out though and this one had the “Recommended for You” tag but didn’t really relate to what I was looking for but caught my eye, thought why not, so I clicked and started watching.
The video was in a amateur home made style and featured a young woman very pure looking, no make up in a bland looking room with bland clothing and just talking about Christianity and her routine. Nothing exciting or apocalyptic here I thought. However I was transfixed by the fact she represented the exact complete opposite of what I was and about 3 minutes into the video something strange started happening. My hand was over my mouth and it felt like suddenly this woman was speaking to me and only me in a very direct way, she wasn’t but it seemed that way, the video went on for about 8-10 minutes. I was rooted to the spot and it felt like something invisible was reaching out to me through the mobile did something and disappeared as quick as it came. The video finished and I just sat there in a state of shock. Suddenly I realised tears were streaming down my face and I was mildly shaking and something strange had happened. I tried to get up and felt like I had a number of 25kg sacks of potatoes on my back. It took ages to get up. As I walked very slowly downstairs like an old man, hand over mouth, my whole life flashed in front of me. I got downstairs, sat down, more like collapsed and I felt naked, exposed and so very, very ashamed.
That’s when I emotionally broke down, I just remember crying my eyes out and was emotionally on my knees whilst at the same time I remember running off a long list of terrible things I had done in my life, this was said out loud. After this I remember saying “Frank this is what Christianity really is, this is what people are willing to put their lives on the line for” and then asking myself out loud “Do you want this in your life?” and “Are you willing to make big sacrifices to have this in your life”, I just said “Yes I want this in my life” whilst sobbing like a baby. There were no lines such as “Jesus Save Me” or a prayer mentioning him and his death on the cross, or “I repent” , none of that. Why……because at the time I really didn’t have a clue what on earth was going on, it was so out of character, it was happening involuntarily, I was not in control. I don’t even cry at funerals, I’m Mr Cool. A half hour went by with some meaningless babbling in my head, the tears stopped, calmness returned but gradually managed to recompose myself and went to bed. BUT it has to be said when I got up….. those 25kg sack of potatoes on my back were no longer there.
That night I slept like a never slept before and when I woke up it felt like something had happened but STILL I carried on as normal putting the previous night down to maybe an emotional experience. I couldn’t deny though that I felt strangely at peace with myself and what can only be described as internally cleansed. I had a peace I had never felt before in my life of turmoil and chaos. It felt like the world looked just a little bit different from the day before.
Saved or Born Again? Changes start!
Throughout the coming days it became apparent that my eyes had been opened and I could tell the difference between right and wrong, the world looked strangely different. I hadn’t lost my temper once, there were no sarcastic remarks, I was saying Hello to people who before I couldn’t stand and I had this unbelievable hunger to read the bible at every opportunity. I started showing a fascination for churches?? One day I sat in a park and saw a dog I see regularly that normally gives a cursory glance and carries on it’s way. It’s a miserable thing. This day it looked, sat in front of me and just looked at me. It was there for 3-4 minutes, I stroked it, the owner apologised and had to drag it away. Another day I was sitting by a duck pond in Hertfordshire where I live and an old woman saw me and came up and looked very deeply at me with a tiny smile and said “You look peaceful”. Never in my entire life has anybody said that to me. NEVER!
I was a junk food addict with KFC, Chicken Cottage, bags of crisps and Haribo Tangfastics being the staple diet. I was addicted to Haribos. I had one packet the other day some weeks back but I was struggling to finish them, I just found then too overpowering. I haven’t had a packet since, even when on Special Offer at half price! Music tastes have changed. Can you believe I’m an avid fan of Choral music now. Can’t get enough it???
I decided to buy the domain thetwelvegates.org during this period not having a clue what I was going to do with it but the overpowering urge was there to buy it for some reason. Now at this time I know the reason why. As they say “The Lord works in mysterious ways” and he has been working through me since that fateful night. He wants me to warn people what is coming and spread the word. That’s for sure!
This was a couple of days before when I finally decided to say a prayer to formally say I want to become a full blown Christian and be “Saved” this is the one I said. These words taken from the ending of a You Tube video
Father God I believe you sent your son Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my sins. I believe that he died and was resurrected and is coming back to judge the living and the dead. Father I repent please forgive me of all my sins. Come into my heart and make me your child. In the name of your son Jesus Christ.
I said another one before that to take care of any covenants made for my Pagan/New Age beliefs to avoid any apparent complications that can arise when making such a violent switch in beliefs. Apparently bad accidents, serious health problems and even death are not uncommon if these words are not said.
All was said coldly, clinically and solemnly and not a tear was shed and nothing happened initially. After this I had a dull headache first at the back and than at the front after saying that prayer. It lasted for about a week, didn’t affect my sleep and slowly disappeared only after I had been in about 20 churches looking for one to make the regular one that I will visit.
I realise now that the prayer I said was like a formal wedding vow at a church, the actual saving took place when I was on my knees emotionally and opened up my heart weeks ago, a bit like making a marriage proposal, admitted and repented my sins, expressed true belief and finally admitted Jesus into my life in my own way by saying “Yes I want this in my life” and was willing to make the sacrifices to have this in my life. He got the message loud and clear and he and the Holy Spirit entered into me and my life.
I now read the bible daily, pray daily, and visit a church whenever I can. I don’t feel right unless I have done these things. I also have the overpowering urge to spread the word or help other people that may have reached a dark place in their lives or people less fortunate than myself.
In short I have God, The Holy Spirit and Jesus in my life and they keep me on that straight and narrow road because I know more than most what is waiting if I stray too far, I’ve been there and I will be disciplined heavily if I do stray in the first place.
Conclusions and Summary
Looking back as the saying goes “the narrow gate and the narrow road” that’s the road I’ve been on for the last several months. You don’t realise you are on that road until you’ve gone through that narrow gate and it becomes very clear the route you have just taken when you look back, until then you just don’t know.
13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
I think twice now before I open my mouth, I am now more of a listener, are more concerned about people and their feelings and more interested in pursuing something of lasting value and that is a more holy and spiritual life instead of obsessing over the things of this world and, material gain and satisfying carnal lusts that can never be satisfied.
I have recently packed in my last website which was street style fashion photography again signs were there that this had to go. It represented vanity, materialism, consumerism, ego and much more and would be in conflict with the new direction I was heading in my life. Another thing from my old life dumped by the wayside.
A final word and this bible verse sums up my situation to a tee. It’s one of my favourites.
The Parable of the Lost Sheep
“Which of you men, if you had one hundred sheep, and lost one of them, wouldn’t leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one that was lost, until he found it? When he has found it, he carries it on his shoulders, rejoicing. When he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbours, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that even so there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance.”
I now know so very clearly that I am that lost sheep that has now been found!
I also realise now he was always there in the background. The Robin, The Car Swerve, The Star and countless other situations I have not mentioned here. Always there, always watching, waiting………… so so patiently. He knew this one is going to have to learn the hard way, go to hell and back, learn his lesson and then and only then will he be ready!
During those dark times it has to be said even living in those extreme conditions I never had any serious health problems, I was homeless but miraculously always had an address and even a miniscule part time job, and I should have lost my bank account but to this day I still have it, the bank knew my situation but for some reason stuck with me?
The Almighty has a message he needs to communicate and he needs vessels to communicate that message. I know now I am that vessel one of many in the world that have to shine a light in this increasingly dark world and raise awareness that the time is near. This website is a testament to that fact. No amount of prepping, underground bunkers or evacuation to a remote island will help you escape what is coming. It will be global and it will be completely and utterly total. You will have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide! My purpose in life now is crystal clear.
I hope this testimony proves useful to somebody and provides hope and light if you are going through dark times in your life yourself. I hope it is realised that just a 5 minute prayer, or an isolated emotional experience will not make you “saved” or “born again”. There will be no loud voices, apparitions, bolts of lightning or anything else Hollywood in nature, it wasn’t like that in my case, although I could be wrong though for other people. I just don’t think it works like that. If it was that easy everybody would be saved.
It is a drawn out process, a test, a trial and when the time is right and when you least expect it, you involuntarily open your heart, let Jesus in, admit and repent of your sins without realising what you are doing and most importantly you have true 100% belief that you are prepared to die for. Death for your belief does not scare you one bit and you are prepared to SERVE……….then and only then will you be “SAVED” and “BORN AGAIN”
If this testimony only helps one person find Christ it would make me a very happy man indeed.
May you be blessed.
See the Saved? Page for more details on being saved and for those that think they are saved. Are you really sure?